


Polite

by Cardinal_Daughter



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, First Kiss, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Romance, Shoplifting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-10
Updated: 2018-09-10
Packaged: 2019-07-10 16:59:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15953654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cardinal_Daughter/pseuds/Cardinal_Daughter
Summary: “Wait,” Jester says while unsuccessfully trying to stifle her laughter, “He kissed you and you said ‘thank you’?”





	Polite

**Author's Note:**

> This was something stupid that wouldn’t leave me alone until I wrote it down. Apologies for any errors. 
> 
> Parts of this conversation were taken from Gilmore Girls: Season One, Episode Seven (“Kiss and Tell”).

 

When Caleb bursts into the apartment, Nott instantly notices two things: first, that he is holding a new book, which is certainly normal, and second, that he looks panicked and flushed and alarmed, which isn’t necessarily _not_ normal, but is still cause for concern.  
  
“Caleb?” She asks curiously, his name laced with worry and confusion. Beside her, Jester looks up, eyeing Caleb with a similar look.

Caleb is leaning against the door, breathing as if he’d just run a marathon. From the sweat Nott can now see beading on his forehead and neck, it looks as if perhaps he had.

“Caleb, are you okay? What’s happened?” Jester asks,  rising from her seat on the couch to move toward Caleb. She’d come over an hour prior to plan a surprise party for Fjord with the goblin girl, but now all thoughts of a nautical themed party are gone from her mind.

While they wait for Caleb to answer, Nott is already making a mental note of where her knives are hidden throughout the apartment, calculating which one is closest so she can grab it and go deal with whoever upset Caleb.  
  
Finally after a moment, Caleb moves his head away from the door to look at the tiefling and goblin staring at him with worry.  
  
“I... got kissed,” he says almost in a daze. Then, as if only realizing what he is holding, he lifts the book in his hand up sheepishly and admits, “And...and I... I shoplifted.”  
  
“Are you serious?!” Jester squeaks in delight, eyes lighting up as she claps her hands together.  
  
At the same time, Nott stares on with concern and suspicion as she asks, “Who kissed you?”  
  
“Ah...” Caleb seems unable to speak and so Jester moves closer to take his hand and lead him to the couch. When he is seated, the girls on either side of him, he manages to breathe out, “Um... it was Mollymauk.”  
  
“MOLLY!” Jester squeals, “Where? When? What?! Caleb you have to tell us _everything!!”_

“I was at the Chastity’s Nook,” Caleb begins, fidgeting with the book. “And Molly came in. And we started talking. And he pulled out this book,” he waves the book his hand lightly, “And when I took it, he leaned in and kissed me.”  
  
“Which aisle were you in?” Jester asks.  
  
“Um. The uh... historical romance section.”  
  
“That’s a good aisle,” Jester says sagely.  
  
Nott blinks. “What constitutes a good aisle?”  
  
“The one where you get kissed by the tiefling you’ve been crushing on for like _everrrrr_!” Jester matter-of-fact. “But wait. Molly kissed you and you _ran_?”

“Well he shoplifted and _then_ ran,” Nott corrects.

“Well, first I-“  
  
They’re cut off by the sound of Jester’s phone ringing. She looks to see who it is, gasping as the icon of Molly’s face lights up her phone.  
  
“It’s him! It’s him!” Jester squeaks as she goes  
to answer it. Caleb reacts fast as lightning and pulls the phone away from her.  
  
“No!” He says panicked. Jester pouts.  
  
“What do you mean _no_ ?”  
  
“Because he’ll want to talk to me and I’ll just say something stupid again! I can’t face him just yet! Or ever again!”  
  
Nott plucks the phone from Caleb and places it on the table. It rings once more, then is cut off. “What do you mean _again_? What happened?”  
  
Caleb drops his head into his hands, the book pressing into his nose. He mutters something unintelligible and Nott has to pry the book from him to get him to speak again.  
  
“I said ‘thank you’,” he repeats with a groan, letting his head fall to his knees this time.  
  
“Wait,” Jester says while unsuccessfully trying to stifle her laughter, “He kissed you and you said _thank you?”_  
  
“Ja,” Caleb says with obvious shame.  
  
“Well...that was...very polite,” Nott replies, trying to be supportive as she looks to Jester with a look that screams _I have no idea how to deal with this, help_!

“Gods, I am so stupid,” Caleb mutters as he sits back, head tilted on the back of the couch, eyes closed and face still burning red.  
  
“You’re not stupid, Caleb,” Jester assures him with a pat on his leg, “You’re just horribly awkward, that’s all.”  
  
“Not helping,” Caleb mutters, bringing his hands to cover his face once more as he tries his best to sink into the couch, willing it to swallow him whole.

“So he kissed you, you said _thank you_ , stole a book, and then ran away,” Nott lists off the series of events, as if trying to wrap her head around them.

They sound as ridiculous as Caleb recalls them and lets out another sound of displeasure. “I didn’t _mean_ to do the last two. Or, well, any of them. It just… happened.”

“But was it a good kiss?” Jester asks softly, taking Caleb’s hand and rubbing her thumb over his knuckles soothingly, “Did you like it?”

“It was _wunderbar,”_ and he can't hide the genuine happiness that the memory creates within him. However, before either Jester or Nott can comment on the matter, Jester’s phone rings again. It’s Molly. Before Nott can do anything, Jester grabs the phone and stands, but doesn’t answer it.  
  
“Both of you be quiet,” she says with a tone that leaves no room for argument. She answers the phone and begins talking, as if nothing we’re out of the ordinary, “Hey Molly! I’m so sorry I missed you a second ago- I was working on my plans for Fjord’s party and-“  
  
“ _I kissed Caleb.”_ Even through the slight static that comes from speaker-phone, they all can hear Molly’s somewhat dazed interruption, as if he too cannot believe what transpired in the smutty bookstore.

She breaks off, and even though this isn’t news, she still can’t help but squeak out a surprised, “What!”  
  
_“I kissed him,”_ Molly repeats, voice falling slightly, “ _And he ran.”_  
  
“Oh,” Jester says, frowning at the genuinely upset way Molly speaks. “What do you mean he ran?”  
  
They all hear Molly sigh. “ _I kissed him and he said thank you but then he ran away and I’m convinced I’ve royally fucked up any chance I had of ever getting him to like me now. And I tried to call him but he didn’t answer so I’ve no idea if he’s mad at me or if he’s disgusted or if he’s okay or-“_  
  
As Molly rambles, Caleb blinks in surprise and searches through his many pockets to pull out his phone. Sure enough, there’s a missed call from Molly. It’s not surprising, Caleb usually keeps his phone on silent, but more often than not he feels it vibrate when he gets a call or text. He supposes he didn’t feel it as he was running.  
  
Running away from Molly.  
  
Something akin to panic rises in him then. He doesn’t like how it feels when fear and anxiety take control over him, but in this moment he hates it even more that Molly sounds just as nervous and uncertain as Caleb himself oftentimes feels about things.  
  
Despite his earlier actions though, Caleb is not uncertain about his feelings for Molly.

Before Jester can think of something to say to placate Molly’s fear, Caleb stands and takes a step closer.  
  
“Ah, Molly?”  
  
The other end of the line goes still. Then, a small uncertain, “ _Ca...Caleb?”_  
  
“Um. Ja. It’s me. I uh...Jester was with Nott. I um. They know... what happened.”  
  
“ _Oh._ ”    
  
He looks at Jester pleadingly for a moment and she rolls her eyes and hands him the phone. He leaves it on speaker because he needs them to hear both sides of the conversation lest he fuck something up. Caleb takes a step backwards and resumes his seat on the couch, leaning forward with the phone in his hand almost as if he might be frightened into tossing it across the room at any moment.  
  
“I’m sorry I ah, ran,” he says, every word feeling more ridiculous than the last. “I… panicked.” He winces at that; hates how it sounds.

“ _I’m sorry I made you panic.”_ __  
  
“No!” Caleb says, and he feels utterly foolish, sitting here post-first-kiss-with-Molly, talking to him on speaker phone with Nott and Jester present, but this is the situation in which he’s found himself, and so he just does what he’s learned to do when it comes to the situations he finds himself in with this crazy group he calls friends: he accepts it.  
  
“It was a really nice kiss,” he says, and he can _feel_ Jester vibrating in excitement next to him. “And I’m glad you did it. I just...”  
  
“ _Panicked?”_ Molly offers, only this time the word is laced with a laugh, and doesn’t sound nearly as damning as it had before.  
  
“Ja. Well. You know me,” he says, offering a helpless laugh, and then cringing at how _awful_ that sounds. Jester claps a hand over her mouth to stifle her laugh and Nott simply pats his leg again in silent, weary support.  
  
_“I do_ ,” Molly says, and the words sound so endearing that it makes Caleb’s heart skip. _“It’s why I like you.”_  
  
“I uh... I like you too,” Caleb admits, shocked at how easy it is to admit to Molly the truth he’s been harboring for months now. Now it’s released, out in the open between them, and the tension Caleb’s felt in his shoulders lessens a little.  
  
“ _Yeah_?” Molly sounds hopeful.  
  
“Ja.”  
  
“Hey, Molly where are you?” Jester asks, jarring them both out of the moment.  
  
“ _Oh, um. At Clay’s store.”_ __  
  
“Good. Stay there. Caleb will be there in like 15 minutes. Then you can kiss again,” she says simply, then adds with a laugh, “Just don’t let him steal anything else this time!”

Jester ignores the glare Caleb gives her, and she practically trembles from joy as on the other end of the phone they hear an utterly confused Molly say, “ _What_?” 

“I uh,” Caleb sighs wearily, resigned to his embarrassing fate. “I was holding the book you showed me. And when I ran... I sort of... kept it…?”  
  
“ _Wait_ ,” Molly says, and even through the phone they can hear that Molly is absolutely _delighted._  “ _I_   _kissed you and caused you to shoplift? From the smut shop?!”_

“Ja?”  
  
There’s a brief pause. And then, “ _I have never been more attracted to you than I am in this moment.”_  
  
“Make that ten minutes,” Jester remarks, then presses the end call button. Caleb blinks at her, aghast, but she just takes the phone from him and pulls him to his feet. “Go! He’s waiting.”  
  
“Ja...ja, okay,” Caleb says as he looks to Nott for either approval or encouragement, he isn’t sure which, but he sees both in her amused smile. As he moves toward the door Jester calls out to him, and when he turns he’s almost smacked in the face with the book. He manages to catch it, just barely, and looks at the tiefling girl in a mix of exasperation and amusement.

“Don’t forget your book,” she sing-songs teasingly, and after Caleb flips her off, he turns, opens the door, and runs to where Mollymauk is waiting for him.


End file.
